In this episode, LaTonya Wilkins explores the critical role of resilient leadership in navigating today’s complex workplace. Drawing from personal experiences and research, she shares actionable strategies for cultivating resilience to tackle challenges effectively. Listeners will gain insights into the definition of resilience, its significance in enhancing emotional intelligence and relationships, and the various factors that influence resilience, such as access to resources and community support.
Quotes:
LaTonya Wilkins: – If you’re still stuck in your old reality, you can’t create your new reality.
Context: This quote highlights the necessity of moving on from past situations to embrace new opportunities, a key theme in her discussion about resilience.
LaTonya Wilkins: – Remapping your mental models can help you adapt to new realities.
Context: She shares her personal experience of adjusting her daily routines after a loss, illustrating how changing perspectives can foster resilience.
LaTonya Wilkins: – We need people in our lives who have our backs, from a brag buddy to a cry buddy.
Context: This quote emphasizes the importance of community support in building resilience, highlighting the need for diverse relationships.
Resources from today’s episode:
Learn more about the Change Coaches Coaching Sprint by emailing [email protected]
–Change Coaches Guide to Create Psychological Safe Conversations Across Differences
Transcript:
Note: This is a solo episode hosted by LaTonya Wilkins.
00:00:01 – LaTonya Wilkins Are you looking to get a head start on first quarter? Here at Change Coaches, we prepare people to lead in today’s workplace through leadership and organizational coaching. We offer one-on-one executive coaching and group coaching focused on competencies for middle managers. We also provide keynotes based on the Leading Below the Surface book. Our newest offering is empathy-based sales training, which develops your sales team, increases sales, and enhances customer connections. To learn more, visit changecoaches.io or email [email protected].
00:00:48 – LaTonya Wilkins Hello everyone and welcome to the Leading Below the Surface podcast. I’m your host, Latonya Wilkins. Before we dive into today’s episode about resilient leadership and my journey with accepting resiliency, I encourage you to subscribe on YouTube and share this with your friends if it resonates. If you’re listening on a podcast app like Apple or Spotify, please follow us and let us know what resonates with you.
00:01:47 – LaTonya Wilkins Today’s topic focuses on resiliency and its importance. If you’ve resisted the concept of resiliency, I understand. I’ll share why I’ve recently embraced it. If you’re struggling with the challenges of the world or navigating setbacks, this episode is for you. It’s also relevant if you’re facing a major life change or uncertainty.
00:02:37 – LaTonya Wilkins I will first discuss resilience, my journey with it, and why it’s relevant today. Then, I’ll provide examples of resilience and conclude with tips for becoming more resilient in today’s times. So, what is resilience? I have a few definitions I like and will share some of those that I use in my keynotes.
00:03:12 – LaTonya Wilkins This definition is from Elizabeth Edwards, who’s an author and attorney. Resilience is accepting your new reality, even if it’s less good than the one you had before. You can fight it, scream about what you’ve lost, or accept it and try to create something good. I love this definition because it emphasizes accepting the new reality.
00:03:39 – LaTonya Wilkins Acceptance is a significant concept in leadership and spirituality. Acceptance means not fighting a situation, such as a relationship dissolving or losing a job. It’s about accepting that this is your reality. I mentioned in my last episode that I listened to Mel Robbins’ book, “Let Them,” which aligns with this idea of acceptance.
00:04:28 – LaTonya Wilkins For example, if you lose your job or feel excluded from a group, you must accept that as your reality. I used to think resilience was frustrating because it seemed like I had to be resilient in the face of bad things happening to me. But what if those bad things didn’t happen to me?
00:05:00 – LaTonya Wilkins There is a balance. Sometimes we can prevent harm from being done to us, and as leaders, we can take action to do that.
00:05:11 – LaTonya Wilkins However, some things are beyond our control. When I discuss my resilience, I refer to the deaths in my family and my parents’ divorce during my formative years, which have impacted me significantly. We’ll explore that further. But again, acceptance is key.
00:05:57 – LaTonya Wilkins A study on positive mental health includes resilience as a component. I appreciate this connection because it highlights resilience as a form of positive mental health. For example, consider bees as a metaphor.
00:06:16 – LaTonya Wilkins I use a lot of my keynotes. Think about climate change and how bees adapt. Bees are resilient because they take on different roles. They adjust to changes in conditions, extreme weather, and temperature changes.
00:06:48 – LaTonya Wilkins They adjust their roles in the colony. Resilience is part of life for bees. They adapt to different conditions. For example, a dog’s coat sheds in the summer and grows back in the winter. This is another example of adapting and being resilient.
00:07:18 – LaTonya Wilkins Why is resilience important? I view it as emotional intelligence (EQ). The more resilience we have, the better we can overcome challenges, adapt to change, and develop new skills. This leads to better health and relationships.
00:07:56 – LaTonya Wilkins More emotional intelligence gives us access to better relationships and a better life. It provides access to more resources and human connection. Who wouldn’t want more resilience, similar to emotional intelligence?
00:08:23 – LaTonya Wilkins Even though it’s not the easiest skill to acquire, who wouldn’t want more of it? When discussing resilience, I often wonder why some people have more resilience than others. Another question I frequently encounter in my keynotes is why some perceive challenges that aren’t truly significant. For example, consider a homeless person struggling without access to healthcare, while someone down the street has everything but gets upset over not receiving a desired pair of shoes or not being invited on a trip. Why does this person feel upset when they have so much? Before we judge, I want to challenge that perspective. A researcher named Michael Unger conducted a study on seven tensions that contribute to higher resilience in people.
00:09:55 – LaTonya Wilkins These tensions include: one, access to material resources; two, relationships; three, identity; four, collective sense of purpose; five, spirituality; six, power and control; seven, cultural adherence; eight, social justice; and nine, cohesion. Some individuals may lack resilience because they have had significant power and control over their lives. We will discuss this further.
00:10:43 – LaTonya Wilkins To summarize, the key factors are access to material resources, relationships, identity, power and control, cultural adherence, social justice, and cohesion. This study by Michael Unger provides insight into resilience. Now, let’s explore how to develop more resilience. If you’re still listening, it’s likely you want to enhance your resilience and learn tactics to achieve that.
00:11:15 – LaTonya Wilkins Reflect on a recent situation where you wished you had more resilience and could bounce back better. Also, think of a time when you demonstrated resilience and recovered effectively. For me, dealing with my mother’s passing was a challenging experience where I wished I had been more resilient. It took years to process, and I am still working through it.
00:11:54 – LaTonya Wilkins I wish I had more access to being resilient. In running a business, I adapt and see where I need to go. In the US, there’s a lot of uncertainty, and I accept that as the new normal.
00:12:25 – LaTonya Wilkins I learned some resilience from my experience with the loss of my mother. Now, I will share three ways to build resilience in this complicated world. The first tip is acceptance. I chose the definition I started with for this reason.
00:13:05 – LaTonya Wilkins Acceptance does not mean being irresponsible. It means recognizing what you can control and what you cannot. You control how and when you respond, if you respond, and who you form relationships with. For example, if you didn’t get invited somewhere or your team excludes you from discussions, accept it and find another opportunity. Once you accept, you step into resilience and can adapt to create your new reality.
00:14:09 – LaTonya Wilkins If you remain stuck in your old reality, you cannot create a new one. People often stay in jobs, friendships, or romantic relationships that have expired because they fear stepping into a new reality.
00:14:38 – LaTonya Wilkins Stepping into a new reality requires resilience, which I learned along the way. Number one is acceptance. Number two is remapping your mental models. I will share a situation involving loss. My dog passed away two years ago, and it was hard. He was my first pet, and I had him for 13 years. He was intertwined with my life and helped me through a lot.
00:15:28 – LaTonya Wilkins I learned a lot about loss when I lost him. I realized I needed to remap my brain. I used to walk him every morning and evening. After he died, I would wake up in the morning and feel the void. My schedule revolved around his, and I would feel sad when reminded of our walks.
00:16:22 – LaTonya Wilkins I was dealing with the loss and celebrating his life, but I wanted to create space for more positive experiences instead of just feeling sad. I started remapping my mental models. I began going to yoga at 7 AM and still do that. I also started working out in the morning and going for walks at night.
00:17:16 – LaTonya Wilkins I would take coaching clients in the late afternoon or do some writing. I also signed up for a pottery class, which helped remap my brain to engage in different activities. The second point is remapping your brain. The third point about building resilience is the importance of building community.
00:17:54 – LaTonya Wilkins We all need communities and people in our lives who support us, whether as a brag buddy or a cry buddy. An example of resilience through community is the recent shifts happening. I am recording this podcast on February 4th.
00:18:24 – LaTonya Wilkins In the United States, we just had a change in administration, and many challenges are arising. As a small business, I need to understand these changes. I am part of the National Small Business Association, so I consider how this affects me and the small business landscape, including tariffs.
00:18:53 – LaTonya Wilkins Instead of obsessively dwelling on these issues, I rely on my community. I built this community over the years, allowing me to discuss concerns rather than dwelling on negative possibilities. Engaging with my community enables better scenario planning and helps transition from an old reality to a new one.
00:19:23 – LaTonya Wilkins As I mentioned earlier, I am stepping out of the old reality into the new one. Take a moment to review what you wrote down. I will summarize the three tips for building resilience. Number one is acceptance, and number two is remapping your mental models.
00:19:45 – LaTonya Wilkins Number three is building community. If you didn’t listen to the last episode of Leading Below the Surface, listen to that one as it focuses on building community and social skills in a changing world. Reflect on the points from today. After hearing about resilience, consider which tips you will apply to situations where you lacked resilience. What can you learn from those situations? Lastly, how can you integrate these insights to build a resilient 2025? Thank you for joining, and we’ll see you next time.