Join host LaTonya Wilkins in the Leading Below the Surface podcast as she explores the art of ‘meandering in the muck’—a transformative approach to navigating personal trauma and adversity in today’s ever-changing workplace. With insights drawn from her experience as a coach and author of Leading Below the Surface, LaTonya delves into the complexities of vulnerability, courage, and personal growth while offering practical strategies to embrace uncertainty and foster resilience.
Resources from today’s episode:
– Change Coaches Guide to Create Psychological Safe Conversations Across Differences
– Change Coaches Newsletter
Transcript:
00:00:00 – Are you wanting to close the year out strong? Our change coaches’ offerings include everything from retreat facilitation to leadership accelerators. Check out changecoaches.io for more information, or email us at [email protected] to find out how we can support you and your organization in 2024 and beyond.
00:00:29 – Welcome to the leading Below the Surface podcast, where we explore how to navigate and thrive in today’s changing workplace.
00:00:41 – Hello everyone, and welcome to the leading Below the Surface podcast. I’m LaTonya Wilkins, your host. I’m excited to be back for season three after a hiatus. We took this break to absorb feedback and expand our reach so more people can benefit from this podcast. I have three exciting announcements before we get into today’s episode.
00:01:17 – First, while the main medium of this podcast will be audio, we will also have a video component. This will include long-form trailers for those who enjoy YouTube. Our main medium will remain audio, but you will have a chance to watch the videos and see highlights from each episode.
00:01:45 – Our episodes typically run around 30 minutes, while video episodes will be around 15 minutes. The video will include highlights, but for the full version, you will need to listen to the audio. This will be available immediately. The second announcement is that we will be posting transcripts. You can access these transcripts in your podcast app or on our website at changecoaches.io/podcast. The third announcement is for you. I appreciate all the notes you’ve sent about how this podcast has helped you.
00:02:28 – If you feel that way, please leave us a review. This helps us connect with others and grow this community. If this episode resonates with you, please share it with someone else who might benefit. You can now share it in both video and audio form.
00:02:55 – For those who are audio enthusiasts, don’t worry. The video will provide another way to engage. We will mainly focus on audio, so you can listen while working out, walking, or just hanging out. You can still have us with you while on the go. Now, let’s discuss today’s topic: meandering in the muck and using this tactic to navigate through a traumatic event.
00:03:29 – Many of you have read “Leading Below the Surface,” but if you haven’t, you can find it on Amazon or other book retailers. For those unfamiliar with the concepts, I discuss meandering in the muck extensively in the book. I originally addressed it in the context of change. Let’s explore this further, but first, let me explain why I chose this topic today.
00:04:03 – I recently started a new quarter at Kellogg at Northwestern University, where I teach a class called Personal Leadership Insights. This class focuses on coaching MBA students regarding strengths, needs, values, and essential leadership aspects. I enjoy teaching this class. I posted about it on LinkedIn and asked others what they are excited about this fall.
00:04:36 – I received several comments and direct messages. The common theme was that something is in the air, and people are making bold moves and changes. This resonated with me because I observe this trend, but I also see many individuals facing traumatic events or significant challenges, such as entering new markets or dealing with difficult relationships.
00:05:04 – I want to address the idea that experiencing something great is not mutually exclusive from going through trauma that needs change. This is a process. I wrote “Leading Below the Surface” because of the culture in the US, where we pull ourselves up by our bootstraps and just move through things. But that approach has never worked for me. It was the path given to me.
00:05:39 – It wasn’t until I became a coach and did my own deep work through my losses and troubles that I learned to meander in the muck and use that as an art to get to the other side of trauma. Today’s episode will cover research on how the pandemic has affected society, what meandering in the muck means, and three tips on using meandering as a tool to navigate difficult situations.
00:06:29 – Let’s start with the research. I found an article that discusses how COVID has impacted us as a society. Most information focused on death, birth, and marriage rates. This snippet will help start the conversation.
00:06:50 – This excerpt is from an evidence-based article on nature.com. It states that before the pandemic, marriage and birth rates were decreasing, while divorce and death rates were increasing, with only the trend in birth rates being statistically significant. The immediate effect of the pandemic was a significant decrease in the divorce rate, but there were non-significant effects on birth and marriage rates.
00:07:17 – However, in the months following the onset of the pandemic, there was a statistically significant increase in divorce and death rates. I find it interesting that we can see how the pandemic has affected us through data. This article discusses these indicators, which I believe can help us understand the overall well-being of society.
00:07:50 – This is an opportunity for all of you to think about one or two things that might have affected us during the pandemic. Please take a minute to jot down any traumatic events or shifts you’ve experienced since the pandemic. Consider what has been difficult and what feels like a process where you take a step forward and then two steps back.
00:08:22 – It’s ongoing. So take a minute to reflect on this. I’ll provide some examples I’ve seen as a coach. You might have experienced a layoff, received a promotion you feel unprepared for, started a new business, ended or begun a significant relationship, or experienced a loss. These are all situations some of you may have faced.
00:08:59 – I want to introduce a couple of frameworks because if you embrace the process of meandering in the muck, it can be a useful tool to navigate through these traumatic situations. It may not be easy, but it can help. Let’s discuss what meandering in the muck entails. On page 152, I describe this concept, so I will read an excerpt.
00:09:36 – Meandering in the muck is often underrated. It involves getting comfortable with the discomfort that diversity brings into the workplace. I discuss this through a DEI lens, but we will explore it through other perspectives today. Now, let’s continue with the excerpt on meandering in the muck.
00:10:02 – It takes vulnerability and courage to meander in the muck, and many of us avoid this experience. Many of you may have read Seth Godin’s book “The Dip.” He describes the dip as a time when you find yourself in the muck and must decide whether to let go of something or hold on to it.
00:10:33 – You have to decide what you want to do. It feels like you had success, then suddenly you don’t, and you’re stuck. When you’re in that dip, you look up and see darkness, and that’s okay. This concept relates to coactive coaching, which I studied. They talk about the pit, the darkest spot of getting through something.
00:11:04 – I often choose the example of going through a loss. I’ve experienced significant loss with family members. Some passed away unexpectedly, like my sister who had an aneurysm. In my twenties, I was in the pit for a long time after that. Over the years, I would slowly emerge from the pit, only to go right back in. It felt like a sway within that pit.
00:11:36 – Entering the muck looks like that. I discuss the five stages of grief, which you can pass through and sway back and forth between.
00:11:52 – That’s why re-meandering in the muck is important. These are different lenses to consider. What does this have to do with traumatic events? Look at what you wrote down or thought about regarding a traumatic situation you are experiencing. How can you get to the other side of that? Notice I didn’t say get over it. It’s about getting to the other side.
00:12:19 – Here are three tips to meander in the muck and get to the other side. The first is journaling every day. Many of us think that more activity will get us out of the muck. For example, if you wrote about your business, whether starting, running, or trying to scale it, and it’s not going as planned, you might feel stuck and need to figure out the next direction.
00:12:49 – Some of you may think that activity will get you there, but it doesn’t. A useful tool is journaling. Instead of trying to do more activity, take a step back and journal. You don’t need prompts; sometimes, freewriting works best.
00:13:08 – I discuss this often. Use the morning pages from the artist’s way framework. Write out your stream of consciousness. This practice will benefit you more than you realize. You might think you’re wasting time, but you’re not.
00:13:25 – Start with journaling and understand its power. If you’re struggling, it doesn’t have to be traditional journaling. You can try video journaling or audio journaling. There are many options available. Establishing a practice is essential. The second important point is finding ways to take breaks from the problem.
00:13:59 – We often want to dwell on the problem, searching for every detail instead of taking a break and remembering it will still be there when we return. What should those breaks look like? They could involve a trip, working out at the gym, doing yoga, or engaging in energy work. Take time away from the issue without thinking about it.
00:14:33 – Avoid doing activities like massages just to rest your brain while still thinking about the problem. Engage in something that completely removes you from the situation while you navigate through the challenges. This leads to the next point: using your brain in different ways.
00:14:54 – This is important. Take your inner artist and apply it, especially during cerebral events. Engage in activities like drawing, visiting an art show, or attending a concert. Use your brain in different ways to give it a break and disrupt its routine. This can help you gain clarity and see situations fully. I believe in doing something artsy once a week to connect with our inner artists.
00:15:40 – Try to have a date with yourself, a date with art. Move in the direction of taking your brain away from its typical activities and give it a different experience. I also suggest sound baths, which my yoga studio offers. They provide a unique sensory experience for your brain and body that you won’t encounter every day.
00:16:19 – Find experiences that allow you to use your brain differently or experience something new in your body. Lastly, trust your gut and intuition throughout this process. I’ve often tried to explain my way out of situations, as have my clients, even when their bodies signal something different. Taking breaks is crucial; without them, you fill your time with activity and remain in the flight part of your brain. This prevents you from accessing the rational part of your brain, which can impair your judgment and ability to connect intuitively, not just with your brain but also with your body.
00:17:09 – Opening space allows us to experience things intuitively and trust our gut. Many of us struggle to trust our instincts and often try to explain our feelings. I participated in some somatic coaching recently, where the coach asked me what I felt in my body. I attempted to explain it intellectually instead of simply expressing what was happening. This tendency to over-explain can block our intuition. It’s important to just be and trust your gut. Another tip is to write down your gut feelings to avoid ignoring them later, which can be part of your journaling process.
00:18:10 – To recap, we discussed the art of meandering through difficult situations, particularly how the pandemic has affected us. I provided four tips to navigate through challenges.
00:18:36 – Number one, journal every day. Number two, take breaks from thinking about the problem and engage your brain in different ways. Number three, and number four, trust your gut while creating space for it.
00:18:47 – Now that I’ve shared these tips, I want to conclude with some thoughts on traumatic events. These tips are not meant to speed up or slow down the process.
00:18:57 – The process will unfold as it will.
00:18:59 – These tips aim to help us reach the other side with more expansion, abundance, and opportunities, rather than struggling and finding ourselves back in difficult situations. This is why these tips are important. They are not a magic solution to make things easier. Meandering through challenges is hard.
00:19:33 – None of us want to be in difficult situations, and I certainly don’t enjoy being there. However, there are ways to navigate through it.
00:19:39 – There are many.
00:19:42 – We often dislike certain tasks that drain our energy, such as managing finances. These obligations can feel burdensome. However, we can find ways to make these tasks more enjoyable, take breaks, and engage our minds differently to navigate through them effectively.
00:20:15 – I wish you all the best in getting through these challenges. Remember, you can handle this.
00:20:22 – You can handle this.
00:20:23 – You can emerge happier and healthier on the other side. Thank you for joining us today, and we’ll see you next time.