In this solo episode, host LaTonya Wilkins shares powerful insights and actionable self-coaching prompts to help you unlock personal growth, embrace authenticity, and elevate your mental and emotional well-being. Discover what it truly takes to achieve a breakthrough, how to recognize its impact, and how to set meaningful goals and intentions without compromising your mental health. LaTonya’s practical guidance will inspire you to redefine success on your own terms and pave the way for transformative growth. Grab a pen and paper—you won’t want to miss these insights.
Quotes:
LaTonya Wilkins: – A breakthrough is something very holistic. I don’t see it as just your cash flow sheet or your balance sheet.
Context: LaTonya discusses the true meaning of a breakthrough, emphasizing that it encompasses more than just financial metrics, but rather involves personal growth and authenticity.
LaTonya Wilkins: – You find that you aren’t apologizing for as much anymore, if anything at all.
Context: This quote highlights the transformative nature of a breakthrough, suggesting that it leads to greater self-acceptance and confidence.
LaTonya Wilkins: – Everything is integrated, everything is aligned.
Context: LaTonya reflects on her journey, explaining how various aspects of life, including business and personal relationships, are interconnected and influence one another.
LaTonya Wilkins: – There is a positive correlation between well-being, authenticity, and engagement.
Context: This statement is based on a study from New Zealand, which LaTonya uses to illustrate the importance of emotional and relational measures in achieving breakthroughs.
Resources from today’s episode:
– Learn more about the Change Coaches Coaching Sprint here or email [email protected]
Transcript:
00:00:00 – LaTonya Wilkins Hello everyone and welcome to the Leading Below the Surface podcast. I’m your host, founder and CEO of Change Coaches and author of Leading Below the Surface. I’m recording this podcast at the end of December 2024. I recently returned from a yoga retreat, which was interesting, and I’ll write more about that in the coming weeks. Be sure to tune into the podcast and follow us on social media to not miss that article. Before we start today’s podcast, I would appreciate it if you could hit the follow button.
00:00:42 – LaTonya Wilkins Whether you are on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or another podcast app, please hit the subscribe button and leave us a review. That could be our New Year’s gift or everyday gift. Thank you. Today’s topic is a self-coaching edition, and I’m making this podcast as a gift to you. Many of us either can’t afford a coach, don’t have time for one, have had coaches but aren’t ready for the next one, or currently have a coach who isn’t meeting all our needs. If you relate to any of these situations, then today’s episode is for you.
00:01:12 – LaTonya Wilkins This episode is also for those looking to close the year strong and start the new year authentically, honoring your needs and well-being. As we get started, you might want to have a pen and paper on hand. You may also want to stream this on Apple or Spotify first and then watch it on YouTube later. I want to help you feel coached through this. The purpose of this episode is for you to feel coached by the end and to have actionable steps to move forward in 2025, experiencing the breakthrough I mentioned.
00:02:34 – LaTonya Wilkins First off, what is a breakthrough? I wanted to start with that because many words like breakthrough, game changing, and life changing are overused. When I started Change Coaches five years ago, I tried to understand what success looked like for me versus what it looked like for others. I had several coaches during my entrepreneurship journey.
00:03:16 – LaTonya Wilkins The first couple of coaches I had were more conventional around success, which I needed at the time. The coach I invested the most in, from August 2023 to August 2024, helped me see a breakthrough. I didn’t notice the breakthrough right away, but I recognized it a few months later.
00:03:45 – LaTonya Wilkins This breakthrough affected not just Change Coaches but also my life. Today, I want to share what that breakthrough looked like for me, my challenges with the cliche definitions of success, and how you can find your own success while experiencing a breakthrough. So, what is a breakthrough?
00:04:16 – LaTonya Wilkins This word is overused. I see a breakthrough as something holistic. It’s not just about your cash flow or balance sheet. While financial aspects can be part of it, a breakthrough means you stop apologizing for things. You remove things from your life that no longer serve you. You trust the universe and your path, surrender to that path.
00:04:45 – LaTonya Wilkins That is what a breakthrough looks like. Early on in coaching, I focused on two goals: how to start a business and how to maintain and grow it. Those were my three goals: start, maintain, and grow.
00:05:11 – LaTonya Wilkins However, I found that what was missing was how I wanted to feel and what I wanted this to look like. I wanted this to feel easy and fun, but I didn’t realize the sacrifices and mindset shifts I would need to make to achieve that.
00:05:47 – LaTonya Wilkins I will share three coaching prompts on how you can achieve your breakthrough, whether it relates to your business, family, or social life. My breakthrough was broader than I expected; I initially thought it would focus solely on business. However, I realized everything is integrated and aligned.
00:06:27 – LaTonya Wilkins Everything from your body, mind, finances, friendships, and relationships is interconnected.
00:06:40 – LaTonya Wilkins I want to start with a study from New Zealand. Recent studies from Australia and New Zealand focus on well-being, authenticity, and resilience. A 2018 study found a positive correlation between well-being, authenticity, and engagement.
00:07:13 – LaTonya Wilkins You might wonder how this relates to breakthroughs. It connects because we often focus on end goals and material measures, such as financial outcomes, rather than emotional or relational measures.
00:07:46 – LaTonya Wilkins This study highlighted why conventional measures of success frustrate me; they often overlook authenticity. Well-being and engagement are not just nice to have; they are essential.
00:08:20 – LaTonya Wilkins Engagement is what organizations measure. There is a positive correlation, meaning that increasing these factors will positively affect each other. While it’s not causation, they will reinforce one another. 2024 has been a year.
00:08:54 – LaTonya Wilkins I spoke with my tax planner a couple of weeks ago. She mentioned how many people had challenging years. I felt grateful because I turned my year into a productive one at Change Coaches and experienced personal growth. I realized I needed to focus on more than just cash flow and clients to run a business. My perspective shifted when I stopped concentrating on numbers and started focusing on other aspects.
00:09:47 – LaTonya Wilkins What are those aspects? Instead of sharing my experiences, I will provide a few coaching prompts to help you discover your own insights. These prompts come from a holistic coaching perspective, allowing you to define success for yourself without external pressure.
00:10:20 – LaTonya Wilkins These prompts encourage long-term thinking and give you the time to explore your path. They do not force you to make immediate decisions or dictate your actions. This approach is beneficial when seeking breakthroughs during challenging times.
00:10:46 – LaTonya Wilkins Let’s get started. Before I present the prompts, take out a pen and paper or reflect on this in your mind. Consider the breakthrough you want to achieve. It may be difficult, but if your initial thought is about making a specific amount of money or establishing a new relationship, start there. For example, you might aim to make a million dollars in 2025 or seek happier friendships and a larger community.
00:11:28 – LaTonya Wilkins Begin with that big goal, then think about a sub-goal. What would achieving that feel like? What impact would it have on you?
00:11:45 – LaTonya Wilkins If it’s the million dollars, what would that do for you? If it’s the community, what would that do for you? If that’s hard for you, what would that feel like? How would that change you? How would that get you closer to the authenticity and well-being we discussed? Take a minute to consider your top goal, think of some sub-goals, and reflect on what that would do for you and how it would feel. Let’s start with the first prompt. These prompts may not be what you expect. As a coach, I learned that you need to dig deep to experience breakthroughs. Surface success lasts only so long.
00:12:46 – LaTonya Wilkins To help you get below the surface, these prompts are necessary. Before I give you the first prompt, you might want to revisit the last episode where I interviewed Jonathan Gutierrez about somatic coaching. This is a somatic question.
00:13:05 – LaTonya Wilkins Even though I took a somatic coaching class during my first coach certification, I didn’t know how to use somatic methods effectively. It took me two years after that class to understand how to integrate them into my coaching. Jonathan and I discussed how to incorporate somatics into leadership, whether you’re leading a business, a team, or managing a group. Consider how you can use somatics in your life for coping and resilience. The first step is exploring your body. Reflect on your body over the last month.
00:13:55 – LaTonya Wilkins This may sound like a silly question, but trust me. I use breathing methods during my meditation called pranayamas and apply yoga tactics. There are various counting breathing exercises you can try. Take a minute to breathe, sit down, connect with your body, and think about where you have felt tension in the last month or three months. Consider what feels hyperactive, underactive, or blocked. I’ll share my example from the first three months of 2024.
00:14:49 – LaTonya Wilkins In the first half of 2024, I had many changes and changed coaches. I changed my entire staff and had some changes in relationships. I learned that I held tension in my chest and stomach.
00:15:13 – LaTonya Wilkins I knew this because my digestion was not where I wanted it to be. My stomach would cramp, and my chest would feel tight, but my stomach was the main issue. Over the last few months, I attended a yoga retreat and a joy retreat last month, which helped me see this.
00:15:42 – LaTonya Wilkins I started studying and doing energy work, which helped me understand that my energy was blocked in those areas. A quote that stuck with me is, “If your gut’s not healthy, you’re not healthy.”
00:16:00 – LaTonya Wilkins I realized I was holding things in my gut, and I was aware of the anatomy involved. Once I understood that I was blocked, I could work on opening up those areas.
00:16:29 – LaTonya Wilkins After recognizing the block, I needed to unblock it. I realized I wasn’t making decisions and wasn’t tapping into my power.
00:16:54 – LaTonya Wilkins Once I tapped into that power by trusting myself and my decisions, I hired a chief of staff, my first at change coaches. I immediately felt unblocked. I stopped trying to control everything.
00:17:19 – LaTonya Wilkins I let go and didn’t steer the ship as closely. It’s funny because someone on my team said, “LaTonya, wow, you’re getting told what to do.” Yes, I had to give up control.
00:17:37 – LaTonya Wilkins It took me a while to understand my purpose in this business and as a change coach. I know my purpose as an author and one-on-one coach, but I didn’t grasp my purpose in change coaching until now.
00:18:12 – LaTonya Wilkins My purpose is to serve clients, connect and expand the business, and enjoy my work. When I love this work and have room to enjoy it, everything else falls into place. It may sound cliché, but it’s true.
00:18:38 – LaTonya Wilkins Bringing on my chief of staff and allowing her to handle tasks I thought CEOs needed to do has been game-changing. While the blocks aren’t completely gone, understanding where they originated and recognizing the activities that aggravated them led to my breakthrough. Consider what’s hyperactive, underactive, or blocked in your body. Some of you may be in your head a lot, so examine how your mind reacts.
00:19:25 – LaTonya Wilkins This is a big topic, and I welcome anyone who wants to discuss it further or explore coaching on this. I enjoy talking about this, and I can share the energy work I’ve found beneficial.
00:19:48 – LaTonya Wilkins The hardest and most courageous thing I’ve done this decade is giving up things that no longer serve me. My question to you is: what is no longer serving you? What are you afraid to give up? This is challenging, and true breakthroughs may take years to achieve.
00:20:36 – LaTonya Wilkins What these things are and how to give them up. Some examples could be relationships. I’ve realized how many relationships were blocking me. It was hard because of their longevity. These are people I cared about, but they were blocking me in certain ways.
00:20:59 – LaTonya Wilkins It’s not black and white. You have to figure out how to manage those relationships. I’ve decided that with some family members, I don’t need to be closely connected. They know how to reach me, but I don’t need them on my social media.
00:21:21 – LaTonya Wilkins I noticed how that was affecting my energy. People compliment me on my kindness, but there’s a difference between niceness and kindness. This year, I decided I don’t want to be nice anymore. It’s okay to look out for myself, protect myself, and have good boundaries.
00:21:58 – LaTonya Wilkins What’s no longer serving you? Is it friendships? Sometimes friendships or relationships are temporary. Are there things that helped you get here but won’t help you move forward? It’s hard to let go.
00:22:21 – LaTonya Wilkins This took me years. There were relationships I knew deep down weren’t working, but I held onto them. You don’t have to completely eliminate them, but redesign your relationships. Relationships should always be redesigned.
00:22:45 – LaTonya Wilkins I kept a friendship diary, a relationship diary, and a team diary. This included team members who were no longer serving me. It could also be a job or a way of thinking that’s no longer serving you. Maybe that way of thinking was useful before, but now you want it to look different.
00:23:02 – LaTonya Wilkins Another example I’ll give you.
00:23:18 – LaTonya Wilkins If you want coaching on this or want to discuss it more, let’s do it. I’ve experienced significant loss in my life and realized I have healed from that. I had certain people who helped me during that time, but I grew beyond that.
00:23:51 – LaTonya Wilkins They didn’t need to be in my life anymore, and I didn’t need to be in theirs. It’s like a support group; you might have deep friends there for a while, but then you move on. You might go through an executive leadership cohort and then continue growing in different directions. It doesn’t have to be good or bad. Some things are just a season, reason, or lifetime.
00:24:30 – LaTonya Wilkins I love the saying that some people are in your life for a season, a reason, or a lifetime. It’s okay if it’s just a season.
00:24:42 – LaTonya Wilkins I have friends from the last year that I redesigned my relationship with, creating new connections. What are you afraid of getting rid of? I’ve been reorganizing my physical space, and when I clear things out, I open up for the new. It creates space for new ideas and environments I want to manifest at home.
00:25:26 – LaTonya Wilkins Let’s move to the third prompt. This is a big question, and you might ponder it for several months. Going back to the study on the correlation between authenticity, well-being, and engagement, if you find yourself not engaged, maybe those two elements are missing. However, correlation does not imply causation.
00:26:01 – LaTonya Wilkins The study didn’t prove that might be the case. I’m reflecting on this study and considering more possibilities. If you’re not engaged, maybe you can’t be authentic or have well-being. How do you define success? How can you build success in a way that honors you? This has been my big question for a while. I started Change Coaches five years ago and did it full time for three years. I had a part-time job until the end of 2021, and in 2022, I focused on my own work. It hasn’t been what I expected.
00:26:43 – LaTonya Wilkins I was excited, but it wasn’t what I anticipated. I hadn’t defined success in a way that suited me. Many definitions of success have been presented to me that don’t fit, from friends to coaches. I interviewed many coaches to find the last one I had, who was the most impactful, even though each coach brought something valuable.
00:27:31 – LaTonya Wilkins Let’s discuss the definitions of success I encountered. The first was money—make a million dollars. I listen to million-dollar podcasts and money-making podcasts, but that’s an end goal. I wasn’t considering the means to achieve it. I wanted my goals to focus on the means. Once you clean up the trenches, you need to focus on the foundation first.
00:28:17 – LaTonya Wilkins I’m a big plant person, so you must think about the soil, fertilizer, plant the seeds, and water them. There will be seasons. One of my plants needed a plant doctor because it seemed to be dying. I had to revive it, redo the soil, and replant it. Sometimes you have to replant things and reassess.
00:28:53 – LaTonya Wilkins This plant grew well for many years, and now I need to replant it. I don’t know if it will survive. Welcome to running a business. The million-dollar goal would be for this plant to be 12 inches tall in a year. You have to focus on all the other aspects. You can still have that big goal, but consider your sub-goals and what they will look like.
00:29:25 – LaTonya Wilkins You might think about whether you need to focus on insights or the foundation before considering big goals. I was listening to a podcast where an entrepreneur mentioned that you can’t have a million-dollar business without processes in place.
00:29:51 – LaTonya Wilkins Not having a chief of staff until this year made it hard to reach those levels. Think about what that foundation looks like and what success means to you. I want to spend some time on this before we close. I could talk about this all day, but we have a 20-minute podcast. I would love to have a conversation with some of you after this.
00:30:25 – LaTonya Wilkins Email me at info@ChangeCoachesio. Many success measures were presented to me. Some people left executive positions to become coaches and wanted to make a lot of money without taking a pay cut, so they pursued high-ticket items and advised me to do the same.
00:30:53 – LaTonya Wilkins They claimed that was success. Someone told me there are no feelings in business, and I was surprised. I interviewed coaches, and their views varied. I understand what that coach meant, but there are feelings in business. Let’s return to the plant.
00:31:13 – LaTonya Wilkins I understand the quote, but regarding the plants, I think about feelings. I felt disappointed about the plant, but I won’t let it derail me. That disappointment motivates me to bring in an expert to help figure out the next steps.
00:31:38 – LaTonya Wilkins Think about what you want success to look like. If you’re struggling, consider that we often focus on material goals, especially in American culture. What do you want success to look like?
00:32:04 – LaTonya Wilkins For me, success means waking up excited to connect with all of you and feeling like I’m making a change in the world. I want to focus on building community and deepening connections. When I focused on material goals, I couldn’t do those things.
00:32:32 – LaTonya Wilkins I had to step back and consider what kind of business I want to wake up to every day. One concept I teach at Kellogg is Maslow’s hierarchy of needs. The bottom level includes food, water, and shelter. Focusing solely on those can keep us in a fight or flight mode. When I started, I focused on those needs, which hinder my self-actualization. It’s important to address those basics, especially if you’re starting a business or building relationships, but don’t stop there.
00:33:27 – LaTonya Wilkins You can start with the basics, but aim for more. Reflect on the plant; do I want that plant just to survive or do I want it to thrive? Right? Survival is necessary at first, but then you gotta think about thriving.
00:33:41 – LaTonya Wilkins Sometimes you can focus on both survival and thriving simultaneously. Stay in the flow of the plant’s growth. Once it survives, it can thrive. Now, I need to repot that plant.
00:33:56 – LaTonya Wilkins Every day I see it, and I think I need to repot that plant. To recap, today we discussed the positive correlation between well-being, authenticity, and engagement. I provided three prompts to help you move toward a breakthrough.
00:34:21 – LaTonya Wilkins I hope this was helpful. I would love to hear from you. You can email us at [email protected]. I suggest having a sheet of paper to jot down your thoughts as you go through this. Share your insights with me. Thank you, and I look forward to seeing you next time.