An action that I often do during Pride month is to tell my coming-out story. I’ve told this story many times and even brought it up last month in my newsletter on mental health. But this year, I want to focus on something a little different. Coming out was a formative experience for me, but simply existing is what I think about more often these days. There are life experiences I’ve had because of my identities that make me a better coworker, leader, and coach, and that’s what I want to celebrate this month. This reflection is inspired by a conversation that I had recently for the Leading Below the Surface Podcast (which you can listen to here).

On the pod, I sat down with the fantastic Tara Robertson, leadership coach and speaker, to talk about “queer superpowers.” Tara wisely observed that, for many queer and trans people, our experiences of discrimination shape us, and can be reframed as superpowers. Many of our superpowers were developed through tough or adverse experiences – when I’m in them, I feel like I’m swimming against the current. But our superpowers also make us who we are and help us bring out our best selves at work. That’s why this month’s newsletter is focused on how we can connect to our own and others’ superpowers that might have been developed during tough experiences!

Here are three tips to help you connect to your own and others’ superpowers in the workplace:

Journal about your tough experiences

Journaling is an excellent, non-judgmental way to get in touch with yourself. In the past, I would jump to judgment or even “process” with others but saw that was taking me further away from understanding the experience. Here are a few prompts that can help you unpack a tough experience:

• What happened from my perspective?
• What happened from others’ perspectives?
• How am I feeling about this? Where in my body am I feeling it? What are these feelings telling me?
• What does this experience say about what I’m good at? How is this consistent with what people compliment me on?

Use P2B Listening

P2B (person to belonging) listening is observing the degree to which someone is accepted into an environment. It’s conducive to observe others in meetings. Get outside your head so you can see and connect with other’s gifts. When I was training to be a coach, I practiced what I now call P2B listening in many leadership team meetings at the job I had at the time. Instead of immediately providing input, I would carve out some time to see how others’ interactions moved the group forward. Conversely, I would also observe when someone had an uncomfortable interaction or conflict. Allowing time to connect with both aspects of a person allowed me to make observations they could not – and gave me the ability to see their superpowers.

Practice REAL interactions

Those P2B observations I talked about in #2 would mean nothing if I didn’t deliver them in a way that was REAL. Below the Surface REAL leadership means that leaders are Relatable, Equitable, Aware, and Loyal. I’ve found that observations severely lose their value if they are not delivered in a REAL way. To make sure you’re engaging in a REAL way, ask yourself:

• Is your delivery relatable?
• Are you seeing the observations through an equitable lens?
• Are you aware of any biases that might exist in your observations or delivery?
• Will you share your observations in a psychologically safe way?

One final note before you share superpowers with others: be mindful about delivering unsolicited feedback! REAL observations should only be shared if you have something positive to say, if someone asks – which they often do in team 1:1s, or if you have asked for permission to share them.

Observance months like Pride give us opportunities to reflect on the diversity that surrounds us – but I challenge you to engage with diversity beyond just the buzzword and really take the opportunity to connect with people who are different from you. Superpowers are a great “in” that can help you cultivate REAL leadership and belonging on your team while celebrating team members for their strengths. And, of course, connecting with you and your team’s superpowers isn’t something that will happen overnight. But, these steps will at least get you started.